I wonder what it feels like to have a “happy family”. A family where when you take one look, & it makes you smile.. Makes you feel kind of floaty inside; if you know what I mean.. Gosh, here comes the tears again. I can’t stop but cry every time the mental picture that’s stuck in my head throughout all these years replays itself. I swear, I’ll never forgive that woman. & her family together along. It doesn’t matter if they’re good NOW, but what happened before & what they did as well as said was just too hurtful to even forget, let alone forgive. I understand if my dad doesn’t understand. If only he could walk in our shoes & take a step or two; he would. But he’s not, he’s living his own life. I can’t blame him; I can’t blame anyone actually. Ya Allah, if everything really does happen for a reason, show me WHY. Because I can’t see it. I understand that the people You test are the people You love.. Subhanallah. I can’t seem to let go of it. Frankly, I pity my mom more than anything. I don’t care about everything else. I just can’t stand looking at her & wonder if her heart is silently broken.. Please Ya Allah, make her strong. Strong enough to not break down, to continue this journey of a rocky road. Her only salvation is her prayers to You, so please listen to her. 

I’m not trying to be selfish. I know it’s hard for him too. Yes dad, my mom’s an ordinary woman with an ordinary heart. She gets jealous, yes she does. She’ll get mad at little things that you don’t realize could even trigger her anger. But PLEASE. Just take some time to take a step back and see, if only you could put yourself in her position, would it make you feel even better? No, it wouldn’t. Can you stand seeing the one man you love, being taken away & you have to share that love with another woman? It’s not as easy as it seems. You can say things, but you can’t see it do you? You say that you understand, but how far do you TRULY understand? I’m not saying that what you did was wrong. I’m not trying to say that you’re a bad person either. I know that you’re entitled to not only one marriage, but four. I understand that dad, I’m not stupid nor dumb. I know you can afford it. But let me be honest, when you say you’ll be fair, what do you really mean by that word; “fair”? I’m not talking about money, because I know you manage that well enough. I’m not talking about love, because I think you’ve shown enough. I don’t dare to ask you about time, but that’s the big question that’s hovering over us, isn’t it? I think mom is starting to feel like you’ve spend so much time together with your second wife. Go ahead, deny it, I know you will. But she follows you everywhere! It doesn’t matter what reasons she give you, what excuses she use; but is it really necessary? I know it’s not wrong & it’s not a sin, because I understand that she’s your wife too. Still, it has to be moderate. 

I am really running out of words to say right now.. We all know that actions speak better than words, but if that happens, it won’t be a good sight. So I might as well pour my feelings through words. Yes dad, repeat that line you give me always, when I’m older i shall understand? Please dad, stop giving me that bull. I think I’m old enough to have my own mind. I understand well enough. I don’t hate you, dad. But I really really really don’t like what you’ve done. Taking a look at your Facebook page is good enough to make me see where’s our place. If what you’ve said before is true, why don’t you start showing it. Oh, married to “Tun Nurul Huda”, really? Strike one dad. One click; Photos of your webcam pictures, aww such a happy family. Strike two. Come on dad, give me the third blow. :|